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Work-Place-Conflict.CharacterTesting.comGet "back-to-the-basics" with your Marriage, Dating, Family, Friends, and/or Employment Relationships.Solving Conflicts LLC Presents: |
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Pure Gold: "Engaging, wise, and chock full of ideas ~ Paul Coleman, Psy. D., author of "How to Say It for Couples: Communicating with Tenderness, Openness, and Honesty" |
Can We Dance? “After reading this book, I have a new-found appreciation for the importance of really exploring myself to know what character qualities I need my mate to possess.” “I love the combination of information, reflection, and interaction with the arts. This approach is present, reflective and emotionally, spiritually provocative.” “Can We Dance? helped me to examine my beliefs, clarify my motivations, and analyze every step from friendship to a serious relationship. It is full of great tools that are both fun and immediately useful.” |
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Chapter Fifteen By now, you have finished taking your assessment, right? By now, you have looked at the Score Chart, the Diagnosis Tool, and the Fast Look-Up buttons to see your scores. By now, you have read chapters 12, 13, and 14, (for those who have taken the assessment) which discuss how to use those buttons (or tools), yes? What To Do Next? Assignment: If you have not yet practiced finding your way around those three buttons, it would be a good idea to do that before you continue reading. Your goal is to know how to navigate with those buttons. For beginners, it may be a little tricky. If you have no problem navigating, continue reading. Your next choice may become the most important choice of your lifetime. Your next choice may unlock the doors to your true power of choice. Every one of us has the power to choose. We can choose the right when we want to choose the right, and we can choose the wrong when we want to choose the wrong. You have read about that battle in Chapter 6 & 7. So often, the messages we get from society (or perhaps even from those who claim to know us the best) seem to tell us that we are stuck being the way that others tell us we are. So often people evaluate us as though we are only the sum total of the mistakes we made in the past. Sometimes, we even make the mistake of believing that ourselves. Yet, we do not have to be the sum total of our mistakes. We do not have to repeat the bad choices we made yesterday. Nor do we have to blame the other person. Nor do we have to excuse our behavior because we think someone victimized us. Nor do we have to live in denial of our own contributions to the conflicts that have involved us. We can make a new plan! We can choose to clean up our own side of the street. We can do that one good choice at a time, and we can do it with such intense determination that we will string those good choices together until they become brand-new habits. We can pursue our new plan so passionately that those who would rather remember us as the sum total of our mistakes will not recognize us the next time they encounter us. Moreover, we can claim it as our fundamental right as a human being to be able to make a better choice next time. And, we can choose to start right now! Solving Conflicts is not based simply on some type of imaginary positive thinking. It is not based upon a quick fix and "poof" all your troubles and sorrows will disappear. It is not based upon a silly dream that if you could only win the lottery then all your troubles would be over. It is not based upon trying to figure out what your Daddy could have done differently to help you become a better person. And it is not based upon what your second grade teacher really did wrong to mess you up. Solving Conflicts is based upon you and you alone. It is based upon reality. It is based upon who you are right now, who you have been in the past, who you want to be next, and what you choose to do about it. It is based upon the premise that it does not matter where you have been or what you have done in the past; that you can start right now all over again with a clean slate; no matter what your circumstances are; no matter whether anyone else will let you forget your past! Whether you are locked-up in a prison or living life in a palace, only you can determine what kind of person that you want to be from now on. This does not mean that there are not consequences for your past words or actions. It does not mean that suddenly you will be accepted as a brand new person with a brand new reputation. There are personal battles to be fought and won. Persistence, determination, and resoluteness will help you toward your goals. Perhaps when you looked at your scores, you were shocked to see how good you did on some qualities that you never even knew you had. Perhaps you were also shocked to see too many high scores on the counterfeits that you were simply not expecting to see. Now, as in right now, what are you going to do about it? Now that you have seen a snapshot of your character qualities, both the genuine and the counterfeits, what are you going to do different from what you were doing before? Are you ready to own your own choices and take control of what you determine to do next? |